It took about 3 turns off the ski lift before I remembered why I missed skiing so much. Last weekend I went skiing for the first time since I was pregnant with my three year old. Skiing was the last thing that I hadn't done, but wanted to do, since becoming a Mom. Sure, I liked sleeping in, but I've always been an early riser. I liked being able to go out at night, but I've always been a home body. Since having my kiddos I've been running again, to concerts, to brunch. Life, has returned to relative normalcy. Or the new normal. The new amazing, wonderful motherhood normal.
While I missed skiing, and after years of skiing almost every weekend from December through April, I really missed it, it just never seemed to be worth the necessary planning that would go into getting me to a ski mountain. Did I really want to bring a pump with me? Was it worth not seeing my kiddos for a whole day? We waited it out until a pump was unnecessary, brought the grandparents along, so we could see the kiddos for lunch. It took a lot of coordination. It took a lot of planning.
After 3 turns it was totally worth it. In fact the moment I started putting on my ski clothing at home just to make sure it all fit I started finding the person that used to wear them. I put on my ski boots and my helmet in front of my kiddo and he said "Mommy, you're a skier!" Oh, that's right. I am a skier. As we pulled into the parking lot at the base of the mountain, it slowly started coming back to me. Without thinking I put on my boots and all of my cold weather accessories (and there were a lot since it was about 0 degrees). As we walked to the lodge I didn't even have to think about how to carry my skis, they just went where they always go and by the time we made it on the lift, I was almost back in the groove.
It took about 3 turns off the ski lift before I remembered why I missed skiing so much. It wasn't the skiing, but the person I was when I was skiing. I was cold weather loving and adventurous. I was someone pushing my limits both physically and mentally. I was a lover of the great outdoors and not just defined by the congested New Jersey area that I lived.
So much of my time after becoming a mother was spent redefining myself in terms of who I was as a mother that I forgot some of the who I was before I became a mother. Maybe it was a defense mechanism that I forgot because I didn't want to feel bad or guilty. Or maybe I just didn't figure out how to fit that person in with who I was now. Its not as if I don't like the person that I am now, becoming a mother has been amazing.
But it took about 3 turns off the ski lift before I remembered who the person I was before I was a mother. Down the mountain, that freezing cold mountain, my body remembered how to ski and because I had make the necessary precautions so I wasn't worried about my kiddos, I wasn't worried about my kiddos. I was only concerned with the snow about 20 feet in front of me. Finding the powder, finding the ice. And like before, when my distractions were work or wedding planning, or something else, the snow served as my escape. The cold weather was my challenge.
At the bottom of the mountain I told my husband that's all I needed. One run. Just a reminder of what I could do.
I was home. The person I was before, was still there, she just was even better with skills she never imagined, like the ability to comfort a crying baby in the middle of the night on 2 hours of sleep. Juggling two kids in Costco and come out with what I actually wanted. My multitasking was taken to another level with kids making the simplicity of skiing even more calming.
It took about 3 turns to find myself and to realize I hadn't gone anywhere.
