I Call BS on Better than Yesterday

(This was written a long time ago and for whatever reason just sat on the side.  I did not go to a funeral yesterday but the sentiment is still very much the same.)

I want to talk a little bit about this concept of being better than yesterday. This kind of hit me when I was listening to the book Love Warrior by Glennon Doyle Melton. It's got me to go back and look at her blog from years ago, which I used to follow, but I don't remember. Anyway, she talked a little bit about this concept of better than yesterday and being better than yesterday and this sort of push, this push to be like your best and always be better than you've been before, and do your best, and all of this stuff. It got me thinking. I've decided to make an official call on BS (my mom's watching so that's why I'm not going to swear) on better than yesterday. Because here's the thing, yesterday for me, for example, I was in a dress, I had tights on, I had some sort of tight thing happening to hold it all together, I had a really pretty necklace, I had makeup on. I was put together, right?

Today, I'm wearing a baseball cap and I don't have big plans for showering. Although, I hope to do that, but if it doesn't happen, cool. I'm not really going to be better than yesterday, at least in this regard, right? There are some days that I'm totally on point. I'm firing at all cylinders. I'm like 5:30 in the morning I wake up, and then I do my meditation, and I drink my water with a little lemon slice, maybe it's even warm and I get my workout in, and then my kids get up, and then I go to work, and I'm like, "Pshew," and I do everything I'm supposed to do at work. It's just awesome and I'm checking things off my list. Maybe I have a call with one of my friends, so it's like all sorts of connection. My husband and I find our favorite show and we watch our show, and I look back and I'm like, "Yes, that was the perfect day. That was awesome. Tomorrow I will do the exact same thing, except it will be better. It'll be better than yesterday."

Then, I wake up and ... Sorry, it's so windy I thought somebody was creeping around my house. Then, I wake up and my alarm went off, but there's a three year old laying next to me, and if I get up, he's going to wake up, so I can't get up. Even though yesterday was great, I sort of forgot to pack the lunches. Now I have to pack the lunches, so I haven't worked out yet, I didn't get a meditation in, the kids finally get up, I get up, we're running late to work. Then, I realize that I needed to pick up my rental car the night before and I totally forgot to do that, and so now I'm late. I'm running around all day and I'm spending the day 10 to 15 minutes late the whole day, and when I get home I realize I don't actually have time to go for the three mile run that I wanted to do, and maybe I can get a mile in, or maybe two. I forgot I had to lift weights, so when I put the kids to bed, I'm in my sweaty gross workout clothes and I don't get to sit down and relax, and then I workout, and then I realize it's 9:00 before I ate dinner.

What I realize, is that was probably the best I could do that day. That's the best I could do. I just want to sort of give everyone permission to not be better than yesterday, right? I'm all about setting goals and setting to-do lists and really trying to be bettering yourself, but at the same time I think we have to realize that we're all pretty okay, right? There's things that we want to do better, sure, and sometimes it's going to happen, but we need to rate ourselves on a curve somehow, or just not rate ourselves at all, even better, and just be okay doing the best we can on any given day. Some days, the best we can do is going to be awesome, because the thing I don't mention is that yesterday when I was looking all fancy and I had the pretty hair going, and the makeup, it was just up because I was going to a funeral. Today, I'm not. I have a baseball cap on to drop the kids off, there's a stain on my shirt, I have workout pants on, I probably will wear this all day to get my workout in. At some point I will squeeze it in between work. I will probably run errands in it.

I might be in this outfit until I get in my pajamas, but you know what? I'm not going to be going to a funeral today, so I'm okay with this being less than better than yesterday. I just want to encourage everyone, take it as it comes, do your best, set goals, sure. We're all about setting goals. We're all about having to-do lists. You know me, I'm very goal driven. I'm all about breaking down my big goals.  Putting them into little to-do lists, and then having eight to-do lists I can check things off of. One of my phone, and one on my planner, and I love it, I love it all. Sometimes we just have to give ourselves a pass and say, you know what? This is the best I could do. Just like we probably tell our kids to do our best, I think that it's okay if we tell ourselves the same thing. Just do your best. Some days your best looks cooler than others. Some days your best means that you did eventually put pants on, and some days your best means that you got fancy, and some days your best means that the kids ate cereal for dinner, and all of that is okay. That is my little, I don't know, Monday muse. Is there a hashtag about that? Anyway, I hope you all have a really great day and yeah, happy Monday. 

xoxo,

Tovah

Your Guide to Holiday Prep Without the Hassle

Are you ready for Christmas?

I absolutely love the time of year between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Eve. From getting to spend time with my family and kids to going through our different holiday traditions, it’s one of my favorite times of year. 

But it can also be pretty stressful. 

I used to spend a lot of that time running around like a crazy person. Between Christmas shopping and trying to spend time with my family from all over, it was really insane. I loved it, but it was stressful! I mean, there were several years when I was still in a mall shopping on Christmas Eve, which isn’t exactly ideal for fostering the Christmas spirit. And that was even before I had kids!

At some point, I realized there had to be a better way. So I came up with several strategies for getting organized for the holiday season and they totally tamed the chaos. I’ll be going into more detail in the weeks to come, but here’s an overview of how to get started prepping for the holidays.

• Prep early! I like to do a lot of my holiday prep in November, when my calendar isn’t nearly as jam packed. That way, when the holiday season is in full swing, I am free to enjoy my favorite parts of it – like going to see Christmas lights with my kids and reading Christmas books – without worrying about all the work I still have to do. And, if you’ve knocked off most of your to-do-list ahead of time, you can be more spur-of-the-moment when the opportunity arises, like watching that Christmas movie you stumbled upon on the Hallmark Channel, or even taking a short Christmas vacation.

• Keep (and review) a holiday journal. Collect and organize your holiday ideas year-round. You can use a notebook, a Google Doc, a Pinterest board, or whatever works for you. I love using my Pinterest board and making categories for various holiday-related things I like to do, like cookie swaps and Thanksgiving food. But your idea log is only useful if you remember to review it at the very beginning of the holiday season, lest those aspirations wither in cyberspace. So when you’re ready to get started on your holiday planning, go through all your saved ideas and make a new list (or Pinterest board) of the ones you want to actually do this year.

• Think through your planned activities. When I’m sitting down and scheduling things, I always force myself to really think about whether it will be a good experience for my family and me. For example, I’ve learned that wrapping Christmas presents with my kids is pretty stressful, so I set aside a couple of evenings after their bedtime to pour a glass of wine and get wrapping on my own. But everyone has a blast decorating the Christmas tree together, so I plan that as a Saturday afternoon family affair. 

• Consider where you want to be spending your time. There are only so many days in the holiday season, so we have to pick and choose what to do with our precious time. I always save a little “me time” during this period. Having a pedicure is my little reward for getting all the prep work done, and I truly enjoy reading certain books during the holidays, like Pride and Prejudice and Little Women. Also think about the organizations you’re involved in and whether you want to participate in any of their holiday events, like a cookie swap or cocktail party. And if you’re in a relationship, you might want to plan some quality time with your special person.

• Set a budget and plan to save. Regardless of the size of your budget, it’s always smart to make conscious decisions about how much you want to spend on gifts, food, travel, decorations, etc., and, if necessary, make a plan for saving that money ahead of time. Thinking through where you want to spend your dollars usually leads to more thoughtful gift-giving and less buyer’s remorse when post-holiday reality sets in.

• Don’t forget about your health. It’s easy to neglect your health during this time of year, but that just leaves you starting off the New Year with more work to do. So take some time to think about how you can keep yourself feeling good. For me, it’s about not eating too much sugar, but I do love to bake, so I share the treats with others. I also never miss workouts during the holidays. The exact steps will vary from person to person, but the important thing is to make a plan that you can actually stick with. Modest and doable is better than aspirational and unrealistic.

• Talk about traditions. Holiday traditions are great, but sometimes we just do things because we’ve always done them. Sit down with your family/spouse/friends and talk about what you actually want to do. One decision-making trick is to have everyone list the top three things they’d be disappointed if they didn’t do, and then only do those. If any of the things on the list are really stressful, like cutting down your own tree, brainstorm a good substitute, like taking a family trip to pick out the tree and stopping for hot apple cider on the way home.  

I always find that planning ahead really lets you make the most of the holiday season. It’s a time investment up front that gives you the freedom to spend your time doing whatever you want once the season is upon us. Do you have tips and tricks for making the holidays less stressful? Share them in the comments below!

Breakfast at Tiffany's

PARTY DETAILS, as told by Tovah...

As the mom of two boys I will use any excuse to get a little girly.  The impending arrival of my cousin's and dear friend's daughter was a perfect reason.  We had already celebrated her son with a full size shower so this "sprinkle" was a great chance to celebrate both baby girl and mama in a low key but very fun way.

Because this was our chance to be girly we wanted to go all out with a Breakfast at Tiffany's theme but first we needed a location.  Many people in the Wilmington, DE area suggested Pizza by Elizabeths.  Thank goodness for these suggestions because this restaurant was perfect.  From start to finish, working with their events coordinator made the whole process very smooth.  We were able to give everyone a customized menu where they could sample all of the wonderful food the restaurant had to offer.  Fantastic assortments of appetizers and of course, pizza.    

We chose simple cupcakes that were decorated in Breakfast at Tiffany's style, thanks to Pizza by Elizabeths.  We couldn't have a shower without favors, so why not have Tiffany's boxes filled with the restaurant specialty of toffee.

Everything was wonderful from start to finish but the best part was the wonderful group of women all coming to celebrate Mama Yonce and Baby Girl Yonce (who just arrived!!).  All friends and family of the mom from various parts of her life made it truly a fantastic experience to be together.  Thanks to the restaurant and the company it was a lovely afternoon and a great way to welcome the sweet girl!

In Memoriam

Today is a day that always brings me deep reflection and sadness, as it does for many people across the country. Here is my story....

13 years ago was the first day of classes of my senior year of college. It was one of those PERFECT days. Just beautiful! Cool, crisp air, deep blue sky with a few fluffy white clouds just along the horizon, warm sunshine. I was living in Jersey City, and although my roommates and I had taken the train route into the city a couple of times, this was the first of many times we'd be making the regular commute through the World Trade Center...or so we thought. 

We had left a little early so we'd have plenty of time to find our classrooms and lecture halls, so it wasn't a big deal when one of my roommates wanted to run back to our house from the light rail station to get her sunglasses (the sun was shining so bright after all). But I have often thought of this moment over the last 13 years....pondered how much impact this seemingly minuscule decision made on all of our lives that day. 

While we were waiting for her to come back a train came and went. So we waited and took the next one. Part way through the ride to the PATH station (the train that would take us under the Hudson to the station in the basement of the towers), people started to check their cell phones and a few people started to talk about how they just got news that a small commuter plane had hit the Trade Center.  It was an accident. Like when the plane hit the Empire State Building so many decades ago.  We could see a little smoke coming from the tower. 

Most people (like us) commuted into the Trade Center because it was such a large hub, but when we got to the station it was a mob scene outside and we decided to go a couple stops further and take a different PATH line into Manhattan. It would take a little longer but it didn't look like the trains were running very quickly into the Trade Center (it was on fire after all). 

There were only 4 or 5 of us left on the light rail. I distinctly remember a mom with her brand new baby. We were all staring at the tower with smoke starting to billow as the light rail went on. And then we all saw the second plane in slow motion strike the other tower and explode in a massive fireball. And at that instant we all knew that this was no accident. There were small screams and then just dead silence. The mom clutched her baby and sobbed silently. I've always wondered if her husband (or another family member) worked in the towers. 

In shock, we were all forced to get off at the next stop. All mass transit was being shut down. Our cell phones didn't work. Everything came to a screeching halt. We had no choice but to walk the miles back to our house. We didn't know what else to do or where else we should go. 

Along the way we stopped in a hotel to try to make some phone calls from the pay phone in the lobby to tell our families that we were okay but they wouldn't go through. The TVs in the lobby were reporting it was terrorism. Which we knew already. On our walk back people had their car doors open with news on the radio so everyone passing by could hear. We weren't the only ones making the long trek back home. We heard that the Pentagon was hit. We also heard rumors from people talking on the street that the White House and Congressional building had been hit too. And we heard that another plane had crashed in Pennsylvania. 

Our view of the towers was obstructed the whole walk back but we had a great view of them from our house. When we finally got to our house hours later, we couldn't see the towers because of all the smoke. We didn't realize it was actually because they weren't there anymore until we got inside and turned on the TV. 

We finally were able to get a couple phone calls out to our families and let them know that we had missed the train, that we weren't in the basement like their worst fears were telling them. My boyfriend (now husband) tried to come get me that night....I just wanted to get as far away from there as possible....but the roads were closed whichever way he tried to go. We listened to emergency vehicles scream past our house all night. And all the next day. Two days later he was finally able to get to my house. 

I by no means have the saddest or most horrible story from that day. But it is my story. And they are memories that will always stick with me. I always wonder what would have happened if we got on that first light rail train. And I always remember the families who did not get a call from their loved ones a few hours later. The events of that day,  and the days and weeks following were horrific. 

But I also try not to let hatred and fear win. I remember this day with sadness, but I also remember that it strengthened me. It made me focus on what was really important....not the number of 4.0s on my transcript, not some shiny awards and a piece of paper with my name on it, not the job I was going to get and the money I was going to earn. When I graduated a few months later I could have gotten a high-power, high-paying corporate job (that was the track I had been on). Instead I decided to take the road less traveled and start a business with my husband where we have been lucky enough to work together almost every day for the last 11 years.  That day made me even more thankful for my family and the love and hope we share. 

It made me realize that I took my future for granted and some people didn't see more than that day. I have always been stubborn and determined, but I wonder if part of my increased determination and unwillingness to give up comes from knowing that some people didn't get the chance to go on that day, but I did....and for their sake and in honor of their memories I need to make the most of what I was given. 

I will always remember. Never forget. 

Family

In two days I leave for the Beachbody Coach Summit in Las Vegas.  I have been beyond excited planning this trip and getting ready for the last 6 months.  But it also means that I will be away from my little girl for the first time.  Since she was born we have had one night that we did not spend under the same roof (overnight at Grandma's).  She doesn't go to daycare so we are together all the time.  It also means that I will be away from my husband, and although we have had more weekends apart the last year due to work events, we too spend more time together than most couples because we work together.  The first 7 weeks after my daughter was born before I went back to work were extremely difficult because we were so used to being together ALL the time.

But all of that being said, I'm not as apprehensive as I thought I would be.  I started thinking why this was and realized that my Beachbody team has become like another family to me.  I have never met any of the coaches in person that will be at Summit, but I have spent countless hours on the phone, on video chats, and messaging with them.  I know what is going on in their lives and they know what is going on in mine.  They are there with support when I am having a bad day or feel like I have taken a step backward and are some of the first people to congratulate me and cheer me on when I accomplish one of my goals, no matter how small.  And to think that a year ago, none of them were in my life.

I love my "actual" family and wouldn't trade any of them for the world.  But family does not need to be your blood or relation by marriage.  Tovah was the first person that taught me that.....she has stuck by me from day one and I feel more comfortable with her than with almost anyone in the world.  But it amazes me as I go through life how this extended family of mine keeps growing.  I am honored that I have such a large family and love each and every one of you.

Happy National Best Friend Day!

"Sometimes the most ordinary things could be made extraordinary,

 simply by doing them with the right people." 

- Elizabeth Green

Yesterday was National Best Friend Day.  While I don't totally understand the origin of these random days I certainly can appreciate them.  What's not to love about these National Donut Day or National Hot Dog Day?   But National Best Friend Day is one I can truly get behind.  I am fortunate in my life to have some very, very good friends who are the best at many things.  In fact because of my fortune in friendship I hate to say I even have a best friend.

However I do have one friend, who came into my life by pure chance and is nothing short of a kindred spirit.  The true sister I never had.  The maid of honor at my wedding.  The godmother to my son.  It is this person who, when can look back on our 20 years as friends, I see not only the exciting times like traveling together but simple moments of joy.  The hundreds of bowls of ramen noodles we shared together.  The thousands of waves we jumped.  The time we took advantage of an empty kitchen floor to spend a whole weekend sitting on it and reading the various parts of Much Ado About Nothing.  (Seriously how many people would do that in the world, let alone find someone else who would do it with them?) Or much more recently decorating a baby's nursery and watching Anne of Green Gables as if we were young girls ourselves.

We are not the same at all in personality but rejoice in our differences.  We have always found peace and comfort with each other.  In so many ways we have provided shelter to each other.  As the years have gone by and we've made it out of adolescence and are now entrenched in motherhood we continue to look to each other for love and support.  For inspiration and encouragement.  Our children have loved each other from the moment they've met, perhaps knowing that their mothers love each other so much.

Today,  we remain friends, kindred spirits, and lucky for me, partners on this blog.

So with that being said, Happy National Best Friend Day,  Annie!